Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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