16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Blow job season was short but glorious.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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