The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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