That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
