Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
