You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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