so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
