didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize