Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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