i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Enjoy the penises
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
