hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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