I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
