Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
