I met the friendliest cop last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
