well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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