Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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