Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize