as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
