i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
