My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
