i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
