i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
