I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize