margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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