why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
