My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
