My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
