I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
