Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize