actually, I'm a sock model
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
