i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
