she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
