I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Randomize