the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
