bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
