all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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