I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
