She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Houston, we have a blender
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
