Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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