very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
