Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
