That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
