T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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