someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
