We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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