Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
