DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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