She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
