Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
