how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
false alarm. still invincible.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm at about main and main street
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
