So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize