i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize