i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
