he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
