I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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