This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
