the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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