I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
