yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
