apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
