I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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