Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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