so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
