shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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