Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
