I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
