I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
this hospital has no fireball
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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