shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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