apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
