Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
