I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
