I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this boner is exhausting
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
