This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
