Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
