i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
