I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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