Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
