My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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