Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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