mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
