I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
