What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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